| JACK FM has prepped an easy classification system if you're unsure if you do indeed have a mullet. If you don't then you're SOL on winning that 69' Camaro but if you do don't forget to enter March Mullet Madness. Here we start with what truly captures the theme this month at JACK FM . . . |
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| The CAMARO MULLET [aka The Feather Mullet] |
Owners include- MacGyver, Richard Marx, and Duran Duran in the 80's
Also known as- the Camaro mullet, Flock of Seagulls. Feather mullet owners normally fall into two categories, the pretty boys and the meth addicts. The pretty boys feather mullets require hair product and styling and time, pretty boy feather mullets do not happen over night. on the other side of the coin, the rougher side of the feather mullet is usually worn by rough and tumble types who may already drive a Camaro and MAY have a meth problem and the feathering just occurs naturally.
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| The PERMA-MULLET |
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Owners include- Joe Elliot of Def Leppard, George Clooney in his Facts of Life Days, Jermaine Jackson of the Jackson 5.
Also known as the Gheri-Mullet, the cullet, and the permullet, Permamullet owners are not considered alpha-mullets because there is nothing less bad ass than curly hair. but perma-mullet owners are ranked higher on the mullet pyramid than owners of feather mullets.
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| The Femi Mullet |
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The Femi Mullet- owners include, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O' Donnell, and Britney Spears for about 5 seconds when she shaved her head. (Technically Cameron Diaz had a Femi-mullet in that one scene in There's Something About Mary.
Also known as the femullet, the Florence Henderson, and Attention K-Mart Shoppers...there is no one style that defines the femi-mullet, simply being female and having a mullet is definition enough. Because of the relative lack of femi-mullets in the wild, they remain a category unto themselves.
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| The Spikes |
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Owners include, Billy Ray Cyrus, Joe Dirt, Kiefer Sutherland in Lost Boys, and David Bowie circa 1985.
Spikey mullet wearers generally reside at the top of the mullet pyramid due to their heightened aggressiveness and the overall beauty of their head pelt. Spikes are a dominant species and should not be approached or handled without the supervision of a trained professional.
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| There are other more precise and specific mullet categories but in reality, they would all fall under the umbrella of one of the afforementioned mullet sub-species listed here. Fall into one of these categories then enter March Mullet Madness. |
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